Sunday, October 18, 2015

Changes and Possibilities

This is the third time I've tried writing this post. Normally I don't completely trash my drafts, but I just have not been able to get this post right. Every time I write it, I look back over it and it's not what I want to say. 

So here's what I want to say: there's a lot of changes and unknowns ahead. I'm in my final year of college. I have no idea what's ahead of me after April. I don't know where I will be living or if I'll be living with someone. I've never lived by myself so to think of living in a new town in an apartment without a roommate sounds scary. I also have no idea where I will be student teaching or later teaching. I'll have a semester of student teaching and probably a semester of subbing before getting my first official job. I have no idea where any of these will be. 

I won't know where I will be student teaching (and then where I will be living) until March. Until then, I'll be living in limbo (or at least that's the way I feel). I love planning and routines. To not know what the future holds is scary, confusing, and gives me anxiety. And knowing where I student teach will only help me for a year. After that I'll still have to find a permanent teaching job, possibly a new place to live, and make new friends.

For the past few years, I've known exactly what to expect. After settling into university life my first semester of college, I've at least known the generals of what to expect. I've known where I will live and who I will live with. I've known what to generally expect from classes and professors. I've known when me and my friends have our hang-out nights. Even though there have been some little changes, I've had a basic handle on what's happening in my life.

Now I don't know what to expect for the upcoming year. All of the knowns I've had the past few years are going to be gone. I don't know who I will be spending my time with. I don't know where I'll be living. I don't know where I will be teaching. I don't know what exactly to expect of my job, coworkers, and boss. So many unknowns!

But I do know some things. I know everything will work out in the end. I'm a big believer that what's meant to happen, will happen and that everything will work out for the best. I know if need be, I can always move back home with my parents.

This is what I've been trying to say. There's a lot of changes and unknowns ahead, but there's also a lot of possibilities. I could literally move anywhere if I wanted. I could stay in this area, or move to Colorado (my dream state), or the east coast, or even live abroad for a year. I could (probably will) make lots of new friends. I could (maybe) even meet a nice guy to go on some dates with. I could (hopefully will) have the best time student teaching and make some great connections.

Instead of focusing on all of the unknowns, which can make me feel super stressed out, I've been trying to focus on all of the possibilities. Times of transition can be scary, and there's quite a few of them in a lifetime. Even though there are lots of changes and unknowns that come with these transitions, there are also a lot of possibilities.

Are you going through any life changes? Do you fear the unknown or dwell on all the amazing possibilities the future could hold?

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